Gilly Flower Writings |
Fairytale Ending
By
Kathryn Evans
Claudia’s life had always been a fairytale, everyone said so. Growing up, her parents had doted on her as their only child and had given her everything she could want. In high school she had been one of the most popular girls in the school, had been both homecoming and prom queen, and had even been class president one year. She had married her high school sweetheart shortly after graduation and it had looked like they were in for a long, happy life together.
But fairytales do not always end with Cinderella finding her prince and living happily-ever-after, and Claudia now sat on a lonely beach staring out at a gray ocean and a sky that seemed to reflect her heart and soul.
Her husband, who had seemed that perfect knight-in-shining-armor all the time she had known him, had cheated on her within a year of their marriage. They went through months of counseling and things seemed to get better, especially when Claudia announced that she was pregnant. But the pregnancy didn’t last and she miscarried. It wasn’t long after that that her husband left her for the woman he had never truly stopped seeing. Her fairytale life was quickly becoming a tragedy.
Claudia sat on the beach with her knees pulled tight against her chest, just watching as the waves rolled in and out. She buried her toes in the cold sand and hugged herself harder, trying to gain some kind of warmth. But the cold that filled her wasn’t from the cold spring sun or the breeze off the ocean. She wiped at her damp cheeks and wished that she knew how to make the pain in her stomach go away.
Everyone had always told her she was a princess in some fairystory, and she had always believed them. But princesses did not get left by their husbands for other women. They didn’t lose their babies. Weren’t they supposed to ride off into the sunset and live happy, safe lives? Maybe all those people had been wrong. She wasn’t a princess; she was one of those tragic heroines that are meant to show the tragedies of life and love. Those heroines always either died mournfully or else wasted away for the rest of their lives. Claudia didn’t like the idea of wasting away.
The waves rolled in and out, wonderful and constant and soothing. She stared out at that immense sea, which seemed to stretch away for eternity. Around the world it stretched, and far away from the troubles that plagued mankind. Far away from the pain and sorrow and heartache. Far away from a life that turned out to be a lie.
Her mind felt numb, worn out with weeping and trying to understand how things could go so wrong so fast. She welcomed the numbness, it was better than the pain. She didn’t want to feel anything anymore. She just wanted to watch the waves roll. The water seemed so calm, so constant. Without even really thinking, she stood up and walked out into it.
The first shock of the cold water hitting her legs didn’t even make her pause, she just kept wading out until the water was hitting her waist and then she began to swim. She had grown up swimming at this beach and so she had no problem making her way against the waves. She swam until her arms ached and she could no longer see any land, only the gray sky above her and the ocean that surrounded her. And then she stopped and she let the water envelope her completely.
The water closed over her head and she let herself descend into the darkness, a darkness that she felt was already a part of her. She felt weightless and free yet she knew that she was sinking farther and farther from the world above, the world that had turned its back on her.
Images started to flash through her head. Her mother’s smile. Her father picking her up and putting her on his shoulders. Her sixteenth birthday party when all her friends had come for a slumber party and stayed up the whole night talking and laughing. She could clearly remember the pride on her parents’ faces when she got accepted to her first college.
She began to involuntarily choke for air but she could no longer tell which way was up. She began to kick and flail her arms as panic took her but she only seemed to sink faster. Salt water invaded her nose and mouth as she struggled. Everything was getting darker and she knew that the end was coming. Soon it would all be over and then the pain, the heartache, the loneliness, it would all be gone.
There was something in front of her. Something that seemed to glow despite the darkness that surrounded her. She tried to focus but everything was getting dim and hazy. And then suddenly, he was right there in front of her. His eyes were the pale blue of glaciers and his skin shimmered like maile in the depth. His features were not human yet he was the most beautiful creature Claudia had ever seen. He reached out both his hands to her and she felt herself stop struggling.
What is it that makes you mourn the world above? She heard him say within her head.
I mourn the pain, the heartache, the coldness that grips the soul and is so unforgiving, she replied, though she didn’t really understand how.
It isn’t coldness that grips you, he said. Coldness is the cold of the ocean. It is the heat of emotions that plagues mankind and creates such pain. Cold soothes and calms. It freezes the heart and ends that unbearable pain. I can give you this cold. I can take away the suffering of the dry world above and keep you here below where you will never feel the heat of passion or the pain of loss.
Claudia felt like she was in a dream, like this couldn’t truly be happening. If it was a dream, there was a part of her that didn’t want to wake up. There was a part of her that wanted to stay in that cold, dark place forever. But images kept drifting through her head. Memories of the warmth of her mother’s embrace. The passionate heat of her first kiss. Even the hot tears that seemed so constant over the last year. Could she really give that up?
This man offered her a life without pain but also without passion. To wander the ocean, free and without cares.
His eyes stared deep into hers and seemed to contain depths as unfathomable as the glaciers they so resembled. She could spend eternity staring into those eyes, trying to delve into all their secrets.
Almost, almost she let him pull her deeper into the darkness. Almost she let him freeze her heart forever. But she didn’t, and somehow, without her saying anything, he knew and with one last, mournful look he let go of her.
The struggle for survival gripped her again and she clawed and flailed and choked for life. She kicked and waved her arms and tried to find the surface but she was so hopelessly lost that she knew she would never find her way back. She knew she was going to die and only now did she see all the reasons she wanted to live. She tried to struggle more but she was losing strength. She prayed that God would not judge her too harshly and that her parents would not blame themselves for her foolish mistake.
She sank into the blackness.
* * * * * *
Life choked her and filled her and made her gag as she turned over. Salt water spewed from her lungs as she coughed into the sand. The sun was beating down over her and she felt it’s warmth like it was the hottest fire in the world. She breathed in the sweet air and tried to look around her. She was on the beach somewhere but she had no clue where. But that didn’t matter. She was alive.
Her hands were shaking and the logical part of her brain knew there was a good chance she would get pneumonia from her wet clothes and the cold wind that was blowing off the sea. But she didn’t care. She was alive.
She tried to stand up but only managed a sitting position. She looked out at the ocean that had nearly claimed her life. It still rolled in and out with that wonderful, constant motion, but it held no power for her now. Yet off in the distance she thought she saw something. Something that she knew was strange and magical and would never be believed.
Claudia’s fairytale was ended. But perhaps now she would be able to begin her life.